Life can change so fast in one day, much less a month. I don't really know where to start because there's so much to talk about. At the same time, things are still very much the same and although there are new experiences to talk about I find myself in the same place I have always been.
I had a different picture of what I thought life would look like at age 20. I didn't think I was going to reach my goal by this time but I did think I would be further along than I am now. God has been putting it on my heart to start looking at schools and the more I have thought about it and prayed about it the more it makes sense (and the more excited I get). I feel like I need to take a few steps back in order to give myself a chance in the future if I still have the desire to play pro. And I have always wanted to get an education I just didn't know when I would do it. I am in the process of looking at NAIA schools so please pray for God to open up opportunities where He wants me.

I have often struggled with the balance of giving control of my life to God and knowing what my part is since I believe that God is ultimately in control of all things.
I was having a conversation with my coach about options to help take me to the next level, we talked about college tennis, tournament schedules, work, etc.  I left that conversation feeling empty. The things we talked through were really good and I felt better educated on some of the things I had been curious about that I thought might help my tennis. I was discouraged because It seems like I ask God to do something special and provide in a special way and I'm always left right back in square one where I started.
After that conversation I came to a realization recently that this year I have been looking for a way out of the long road that is ahead of me.
Hindsight is 20/20 and looking back at what has happened this year I can see clearly. I was not able to prepare properly for Spain (some of that was out of my control) and I was really out of shape yet still expecting to do well.
 My decision to go to camp was a bit out of desperation for God to reveal something different to me or find a new pathway and something fresh to encourage me and feed my motivation. While that did happen, coming home after the "camp high" no circumstances in my life changed. I still didn't have a ranking, I still didn't have $10,000 sitting in my bank account and I was still living at home. 
I have always been looking for something else (whatever that might be) rather than accepting my situation and gritting my teeth and working with the situation that has been given to me and being the best that I can be. I have been asking God to provide and it's not that I believed that it would just magically happen, I just don't always know what to do.
I have always been committed and passionate, but hard work has not always come so easily to me. Don't get me wrong, if I didn't work hard I wouldn't be where I am. But there's a difference between competing with the best girls in the country versus the best girls in the world.
What I have set out to do is extremely hard. Sometimes I look ahead and I just want to bail out early and not deal with the pain and the discipline and hardships. But God has provided an awesome opportunity for me to work hard. And now that I realize my part,  I am going to work harder this year than I have at any other time and I have asked Vince to hold me accountable to that.
 Proverbs 16:3 "Commit your WORKS to the Lord and your plans will be established."
At camp we talked about thanking God through our intensity and through our hard work. Rather than just feeling like I have to go to the gym, or I have to run sprints today, or practice my serve I can view my hard work as a thank you response for the opportunity God has given me.

This is a questionnaire that my friend Joey Dillon who I met in Cleveland, Ohio asked me to fill out for tennisforum.com. So I'm posting it to my blog as well!

Q: Why and when did you start playing tennis?
I hit my first tennis ball when I was 7 years old. My dad had signed my older sister up for tennis classes at a local college in California and when she started playing, I wanted to do everything that she did! I didn't start taking lessons until a few years later and I started getting more serious about my tennis when I was around the age of 11.
One of my early memories of tournament play was at a girl's 10 and under local tournament. I played Lauren Wolman in the finals and lost the match. It was the first trophy I had ever won but when they handed it to me, I burst out in tears. I guess that's where you could say my love for winning comes from :)

Q: What is the daily schedule of Grace Leake?
WELL... I have to work in addition to playing, so sometimes my schedule is not the same on a day to day basis. Typically I try to get in 5 hours a day of training. Right now I am working on my fitness so I am working out twice a day and practicing in between my workouts. When I am working on different parts of my game I will do 2-a-day practices on the court, and only 1 hour of fitness. A sample of my schedule is:
6:30 - wake up
8-9 - fitness
9-12 Work
12-3 practice
3-4 - fitness
4-10 - Go home exhausted, eat dinner and pass out

Q: Your story is different then most. You wanted to go to school, but the NCAA deemed you ineligible. Explain that and your reaction?
When I decided to attend the University of Maryland, I had already taken a year off after high school because I needed time to decide what I wanted to do. I applied to UMD, everything was great, and then after speaking with compliance I was informed that there might be a problem getting cleared by NCAA. NCAA Division 1 requires athletes to complete 16 core courses in a 5 year window. I only had 14, and had taken a year off after I graduated which meant that I couldn't just make up the classes. The process of appealing took so long and their verdict was that I would have to go to community college for two years before I would get a year of eligibility to play D-1 tennis. That decision made up my mind for me because it is already hard enough working and playing tennis. I would have to work to pay for school, go to school and train and it just wasn't possible.
I was definitely disappointed. I thought that I finally knew what I was going to do and where I was going to go and to have that security taken from me was not easy. Over time it has taught me where my true security comes from and I am totally okay with where I am now.

Q: What colleges did you look at before turning pro?
I looked at the University of Maryland and Syracuse

Q: Who are your best friends on the circuit?
I am pretty good friends with everyone because at each tournament I room with different girls. I keep in close contact with Olga Puchkova, Samantha Powers, and Lindsey Hardenbergh, just to name a few.

Q: What has been your best win and toughest loss in your career?
My best win was the final's of quallies in Sumter, 2008. I played a girl from Poland and it was like 500 degress on court. I won the first set, got extremely tight in the second and lost it, but won the match in three sets...I think it was 7-6 but don't quote me on that. It was a match that there were so many distractions in, I don't even want to go into it haha but she was a great player, and it was a match that I probably wasn't expected to win. It was also my first time qualifying for the main draw.
My least favorite... I probably didn't play my worst but it is the first one that comes to mind when I think of tough losses... the 2nd round of quallies in Madrid, Spain. I wanted to quit tennis when I got home. It was more of a build up of things, not just that match in particular but I took that one pretty hard.

Q: You traveled to Spain for a tournament. What was that like? I knew you were going to go for a few events, but withdrew. Did you not like the clay? (or were you injured-i can note that lol)
I LOVED the clay. I was entered for two events and the first tournament I barely made it into the qualifying draw (you can read about that way back in my blogs from February) and after I lost in the first tournament I was still an alternate for the 2nd tournament. I could have stayed and tried to get in but at that point, it would have been so expensive to stay there and try to play and I was so discouraged by the previous tournament I just wanted to go back home. It was also my first time in a different country and I don't speak Spanish. There were very few people who spoke English and the language barrier was difficult but if I was better prepared I think I would like to go back at some point because being in Madrid was very cool.

Q: You have your website, graceontour.com, which I LOVE! I love when you blog and you should do more often. Describe why and when you decided to have a website.
I'm glad you like it! :)
The idea for my website started a year ago after my tournaments in Sumter and Hilton Head, SC. I drove there with Karina Torres, who lives in VA. We had such a great time getting to know each other those two weeks and during our drive home we were discussing ways to fund raise. She told me about someone she knew who had made a website to pay for school because his parents didn't have the money to pay for it and he couldn't have made that kind of money on his own. He ended up raising well over what he needed for school and the rest he gave to charity. His idea was that if everyone just gave a small amount, $5 or $10, that he would have what he needed and he was right! Anyway, it was right after that tournament that I made the decision to turn pro, and I decided to put together a website to get the word out. It really has not ended up bringing in much money, but it has been a cool way to tell people about my story and give people a glimpse into my life.

Q: It's expensive to travel and play on tour. Who sponsors you and do you train at a certain facility and have your own coach?
It is expensive to say the least! Currently I do not have any sponsors although I have gotten several donations which helped defray some of the cost of travels although I have not come up with a permanent solution. Having a sponsor would make a world of difference but for now I make all my money teaching tennis. I currently train in Potomac, MD with my coach Vince Pulupa. He and Matz Classen run an academy called "Ossa." We have a great group of players there.. Spencer Liang and Natalie Blosser are two of the girls that I train with and there is also a good group of college guys.

Q: When will you know you will be done as a player? You can play Division 3 and NJCAA athletics, but the competition isn't as high. Will you go to school after you play?
That is a really tough question. Honestly, I don't know. It is really hard to gauge my results because even after turning pro, I am still not able to train like one and travel like one consistently. I get to go play in the summer, and then sometimes don't play a tournament for months until the next summer rolls around. If I could be financially covered and got to play for two years I think that would give me an accurate viewpoint on whether I should continue or not. I would love to go to school. I know that whenever I am done playing that I will automatically be able to get a great job teaching tennis. I have already worked at 6 different clubs and have many offers to teach but if it works out to go to school I would really like to do it - I just don't know when. I would more than likely go to an NAIA school so that I could play tennis, but I don't have a favorite right now I just know that Fresno Pacific and Auburn Montgomery are very good. If I were not interested in playing I would probably go to the Master's College, or a community college if I want to stay close to home.

Q: What are your goals for 2010?
I really wanted to get my ranking this year. I haven't even gotten a point yet, but it is definitely still the goal. I think I just need a breakthrough tournament.. I'm so close.

Q: Any advice to tennis fans (and on tennisforum.com)
Don't let anyone tell you that you can't reach your goals... notice that the people who are usually telling you that you can't do it have never actually made it themselves. If you talk to anyone on the pro tour who has reached a certain level they will never tell you not to try but coaches and people on the sidelines are so quick to step in and tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing with your life. Do what you love, love what you do and work hard - nothing takes the place of hard work.

My awesome friend Mindy Sullivan from AIA camp came up with that acronym so I had to use it :)
I came back from camp (update on that coming shortly!!) really on fire for God and ready for Him to use me. Despite the fact that I wasn't able to play all week, I wasn't necessarily expecting to do well, but I knew that God could still do something special.
I was second court on after 9:00 and it seemed like the match had just gotten started when I walked off the court with a big fat L looming over my head. A 6-2, 6-2 loss (to Whitney Jones she is a really great player and she went on to win several rounds in the main draw and get ranking points so I'm very happy for her) that had me packing up and heading back to Maryland just as soon as I had arrived.  My reaction to this match was almost just as disappointing as the match itself because I fell back into what I always do.
I was just really confused and I started doubting God.
"God, do you want me here? If you do want me here then WHY am I losing? I can't be a professional tennis player if I'm losing all the time!"
My problem is that I have always looked to circumstances to give me clarity.  I have learned all my life (although I haven't applied it so well) not to look around myself for direction, but to always look up (Matthew 14:22-23). Life is full of ups and downs and if you are not grounded then your emotions will go up and down with every high and low... As a very emotional kind of person I am speaking from experience.
I had a phone conversation with my Dad in Sumter, SC and as I made the usual phone call home to report my results, I gave the same old talk on how I didn't know what was going on...blah blah blah and my dad stopped me and just said - "Grace, you need to stop doubting that this is where you are supposed to be, because although you are asking God to move you if you should not be here...you ARE here." I brushed that statement off until after my match in Mount Pleasant. After I calmed down and thought through my rash response to the loss I realized that although I have been putting in so much hard work and trying to make this thing work, I really haven't BELIEVED that God will do something special. I have hoped, I have wondered, but I haven't believed.
In my last post I talked about the verse that says faith is being certain of what you do not see. If I could see results, if I could see where I would be a year from now, if I could see where my tennis is taking me it would be so easy for me to believe. And THAT is when I learned that my losses, my emotional highs and lows, my wanting to quit tennis this year and try something a little bit easier was not about my tennis at all... it has always been about believing God's word. Jeremiah 29:11 says that God has a plan for me (and for you), plans to give me hope and a future. If God is perfect and holy and CANNOT lie and CANNOT fail, then not believing His word is so dumb! By worrying and not trusting what is that going to do for me anyway? (Matt 6:19-34) This truth hit me so strongly and it was not just something I was able to wrap my mind around, it was more that I knew it in my heart finally. That experience kind of brought everything that had happened before and during camp to a conclusion. Man, God works in funny ways! I am so happy that He cares so much about me that He would be putting me through hard experiences so that I would learn to depend on Him and love Him more.
I had a great opportunity to play another tournament this weekend and I went into it much better prepared than last weekend. I won my first round and lost second round to Meghan Falcon 6-0, 7-6 (2). Although I couldn't find my range in the first set, I was glad that I finally got my foot in the door and was able to compete better in the 2nd because she is a really good player - she was ranked #1 in NCAA. Aside from the score, I am mostly amazed at how my changing is thinking... After I lost I went and prayed and thanked the Lord for giving me a second chance to lose so that I could respond in trust this time around..... I thanked God for letting me lose! That was definitely a first. But honestly, trusting in His plan for me has been so freeing. I have had so much peace on and off the court that I never want to go back to how I was before.
In so many ways I feel like this is just the beginning. It almost seems like I have been going through the motions before without my heart really being in it. Now I am so excited to get back into working my butt off teaching, working out and practicing because I can do it without fear; without holding anything back. God will take me where He wants me and I know He has a good plan for me. I am no longer chained down by feeling like I NEED to win, instead, I am now free to win.

Ao1

The Landisville $10k is usually the tournament that marks the beginning of my summer. It takes me several hours to drive there and the past two years that I have played this tournament I can remember my drives to and from the tournament - even down to the music I had playing in my car. I do some of my best thinking and praying in the car and for some reason I have always enjoyed this particular drive. It seems crazy that it has been an entire year and I'm back playing this tournament again, starting another summer. Remembering where I was a year ago, I popped in my Meredith Andrews CD and spent my drive thinking about the last twelve months and what has changed in my life since May of 2009.
It seems like much more time has passed than just a year. To lay out all of my experiences and the emotions that go along with it would be too great of a task on a night like tonight, so I am going to resist the urge to elaborate on this short post, and let it speak for itself.... mostly because the people who I want to share this with the most, already understand without me having to give any further explanation.

I have had some of my best tournament experiences in the past year and also some of the worst. I have had some of my strongest moments of faith, and some of my darkest moments of despair. I had some of my greatest times of walking with Jesus, and times when I didn't feel near to God at all. New people have come into my life that I never thought would be there, and people who I never thought would leave are no longer a part of my life. There have been very hard times, but also very rewarding times.

I am excited to see what is going to happen this summer and am really thankful that God has been gracious to still allow me to be playing tennis and playing tennis professionally for that matter!
I can't say what my life will be like tomorrow, at the end of the summer, or even next year at this time. Last year definitely brought a lot of unexpected twists and turns. But even though I don't know what specifically God has for me in this sport still, I know that "Faith is...being certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

My 2010 Tournament schedule has now been published to my website - check it out!

I really need to start thinking of more creative names for my posts.. but this will have to do for now. I have picked most of my tournaments for the summer, and my first one will be at the end of April, followed by the $10k's May- July. I will post the details later on. So I have 26 days before my next tournament! Things change fast, since when I got back from Spain I didn't even want to think about playing another tournament.... and now i'm playing some of the best tennis of my life. I couldn't be happier about how things are progressing. I'm not changing my game drastically, but the seemingly little things that Vince is helping me with are making a world of difference.

Life is good!

Since i'm not playing any tournaments right now, there's not a lot to update on other than practices and preparation for the summer. It's all going really well right now. I am loving where I am practicing and who i'm practicing with. This month i'm trying to get my fitness ready, work on fine tuning some mechanics in my shots, get some work lined up for the summer, pick my tournaments and set a hitting schedule and some goals. Sounds like a lot when I write it down, but is has actually been a pretty stress free month and it has been a great break from work. I have free time on my hands which is really weird.
I think the theme this month for me is peace and patience (which also happen to be two of the fruits of the spirit!). I am the kind of person who, when I see something that needs to be done, or I want something to change it has to be immediate. I have always been like that on and off the court. If I need to get more fit, I try to crunch and do it all in 3 days, if I just start to work on something, I feel like I have to own it after the first basket of balls I hit. If I set the goal of being "professional" (whatever that would mean for me, whether 500 in the world or top 200) I feel like it has to be done NOW and if it doesn't happen in X number of tournaments then I must just not have it.  With this mentality there can come a lot of ups, but there can also come some really devestating downs (which I think is what I faced during/after the Spain trip). It can be a great thing because I can be extremely focused and work really hard, but when things aren't working out or I lose motivation(and usually if you're trying to rush it, then it isn't working out) I get really frustrated and I crash - hard.
I feel like I am doing a better job at being balanced and taking things day by day. I think it also has to do with Vince and the others I have been around. He has reminded me several times, Grace we just started working on this, you're not gonna have it yet, it's okay. And I feel like I can accomplish so much more when I'm not putting that pressure on myself like I have before.
With impatience has also come a lack of peacefulness about what is happening in my life. When I want things done NOW and they don't get done, I freak out. So I just feel much more peaceful about where I am in my life right now and hoping that I will improve quickly and do well this summer, but not putting expectations on it, just putting in the work and really enjoying it.

I know it has been way too long since I last posted a blog, but I needed the time away to put things in perspective, pick up where I left off and keep moving forward.
I am back from my trip and although Spain was really cool, it is great to be home.
I definitely thought that things were going to turn out differently than they did, but in retrospect the trip wasn't a waste (although after losing second round it didn't seem like that at the time). There were so many different learning experiences I got to spend time with my dad, and play in a different country (how many people can say they have done that? I really am very privileged).
For the past week that I've been on the court I have been hitting with Vince Pulupa and Natalie Blosser along with some of his other students. I am really excited about being a part of his and Matz Claesson's group and it looks really promising. I have already started working with Vince on my serve and forehand and not only do I feel good about my game, it is refreshing to have a place to practice where I really want to be and I feel like I'm going to be taken care of.
I'm pretty tired so i'll keep it short and sweet tonight but i'll update again very soon.

I lost yesterday.. not a good match.. not too much more to say than that right now. Just feeling really frustrated. I have doubles tomorrow, we'll see what comes of the rest of this trip. Circumstances don't determine how you should feel, the truth of God's word and His purposes and promises should. And I will praise God when I win or lose, if I play tennis or if I don't, if I am successful or not...but this has been a long road. Looking forward to seeing what the Lord is doing through this difficult time. I can't quite figure out why I seem to have the right priorities, I'm seeking Christ first, I have at least a hundred people praying for me, and things still aren't working out. It's not like I've been waiting a few months.. I've been waiting years. God is still good..... continue to keep me in your prayers.